You’ll never stop needing her, and if you are one, you’ll always be depended on. I learned this a couple of weeks ago, when I called my mom sobbing, overwhelmed and missing her and finally crashing after being tough for several months, if not a couple years. When I became a mom is when I needed my own mom more than ever before. I had to toughen up, though, because there was this little boy that needed me more than anyone. Luckily, I have a very supportive family, friends, and colleagues, but no living soul can compare your mother’s. In the case of my April breakdown, her physical presence was the only solution to what felt like a broken heart and completely unsettled mind. I hadn’t seen her since the fall, and that was too damn long ago, and while I told myself – and her, on the phone, in between choking on tears – that I just needed help getting the house in order and getting organized after a very busy year, I knew I needed her for much more than that.
I needed her scent, her touch, her voice in person, her warmth – not to mention her cooking, a mother-daughter shopping outing, and other things. And, I needed to see her with my little boy. I just needed her. And through all of my excuses as to why I was crying on the phone to her, something I hadn’t let myself do in years, she and I both knew the real root of the problem was that we missed each other.
And so, she came. for me. Hundreds of miles, out of the blue, after that big cry, my big production of tears and admitting I was tired and overwhelmed and that I didn’t have all of my crap together, despite what Instagram said to the outside world. I had a great job, I had a great husband, I had a great house, but I wasn’t living fully and at times, felt I couldn’t breathe. And it was all because I missed my mom.
Her visit fixed me. We caught up, we had fun, and she healed my soul (and the chicken n’ dumplings helped, of course.) I hope that one day my son will feel the exact same way about me. “He will,” they say.
I’ll admit, I look forward to when he’s older and dealing with something that only I can be the cure for. One thing is for certain: thanks to my mom, I’ve been well trained when it comes to being cozy, making things comfortable, cooking good food, and all of those other things she has done for me that manages to heal all wounds. I look forward to the day when Jay understands that with mom, everything will be okay.
To the moms who’ve been in this game for a while, especially to those who have an empty nest, you are not finished yet – and if you’re a grandparent, this rings true times a thousand!